Tumble Tots Singapore: Parenting information

Discipline

Parents of well disciplined children tend to have three things in common - they are confident in their handling of their children, consistent and they care enough to stop their child's bad behaviour.

All children misbehave at some time yet parents get little preparation to help them cope. Most of us learn by trial and error based on what happened to us as children and the way we have seen other parents behave. Knowing when to intervene and when to turn a blind eye is a skill which takes most adults years to develop.

We all want to be friends with our children but that does not mean we have to let them do exactly what they want. We need chance to practice staying calm and in control when our children are misbehaving. Children feel safe when their parents set limits and stick to basic rules. They will still try to fight against those limits, to push them back as far as their parents will let them. However, by staying firm and consistent, we can help our children to feel safe and secure.

Encouraging Good Discipline

1. Setting the scene

	Set clear limits and simple rules as soon as you can. Get your child into a good routine but be prepared for him to test your limits. Just stick to the rules and remind your child of the rules as calmly as you can. Avoid discussions or negotiations on serious issues.

	Set reasonable punishments and rewards. Children have a strong sense of fairness. If they feel that you give a harsh punishment one minute and a light one the next, they will feel less secure and it will take longer for them to learn how to behave.

	Encourage your child to think of reasonable rewards and punishments.

	Make a distinction between naughty behaviour and a naughty child. All children will do something naughty, but your child should not get the idea that they are naughty or you will risk them living up to this expectation.

2. Doing what you say

	Don't make threats unless you are prepared to follow them through. If you have said "No pudding unless you eat your sandwiches", then you must not change your mind later. If you do, your child will ignore the next threat and assume that you do not mean what you say.

	Choose your battles carefully and make sure that you win. Some poor behaviour can be ignored and it will stop, but some may be more serious or dangerous. This kind of behaviour has to be acted on quickly and consistently.

	Try to link the reward or punishment to the behaviour. Helping to tidy up before bedtime might result in an extra story. Hitting a child with a play sword, might prompt you to remove the sword for a day etc.

3. Showing that you care

	Spend time with your child doing things, which will not bring you into conflict.

	Stay involved in their activities as they grow up. Watching your child playing sport, taking part in an activity etc. shows that you are interested in what they are doing.

	Encourage them to become involved in your life. Let them visit your workplace, meet your colleagues and talk to them about what you do.

	If you feel you have behaved unfairly say so. Discuss what would have been fairer and why you had felt so angry or upset by your child's behaviour.

	Physical contact is always important to children. Having a cuddle can comfort a sick child, reassure a frightened one and re-establish your good relationship with your child after an argument or tantrum.

Ways of Dealing with Difficult Behaviour:

	Stay Calm. You need to be able to give clear and simple instructions e.g. You must put your toys away before we have tea.

	Don't get distracted or be tempted to see the funny side of your child's disobedience. This will only encourage the bad behaviour.

	Only make threats you are prepared to carry out.

	Don't give in to loud tantrums.

	Be positive and give lots of praise when your child gets it right.

Reasons why bad behaviour might continue:

	You have not been consistent so your child has learnt that if they keep going you will give in.

	Your child likes the attention he gets by behaving badly.

	You shout at your child when you are cross or smack him so he shouts when he is cross and hits other children.

	You do not notice when she is being good.

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